The other day I saw a painting of a geisha. The white mask of her makeup hid any glimpse of skin from her chest up except that emanating from the nape of her neck. I was contemplating the two delicate lines called eriashi and the purpose they serve ― how demure they were, how subtle, yet intentionally communicative. Along with being considered sensual, the lines denote the comparison between the geisha’s perfect porcelain shell and the flesh and bone woman inhabiting underneath.
The art of subtlety takes a certain amount of strategy and intention ― a confidence and a knowing that accompanies wisdom ― the knowledge gained from experience.
Subtlety in History
A couple of weeks ago, I was watching an old episode of William F. Buckley’s “Firing Line” with then-presidential hopeful Ronald Reagan. Reagan relayed his strategy for peace with Russia, were he to become president. In an effort to quietly communicate dominance, he would systematically ensure that the United States had strongholds within countries of strategic allies in order to give our foe a very clear message. It wasn’t a direct phone call or decree to then-President Mikhail Gorbachev letting him know that we were on the offensive, it was a silent “Hello. We’re nearby” wink that takes strategy, patience and and a certain steadfastness. Diplomacy requires a level of proficient subtlety ― some of the greatest practitioners being those who can tell someone to go to hell and have them look forward to the trip.
Being subtle means behaving in a smart and skillful way and using indirect methods in order to achieve a clear objective.
As an educator and crisis counselor, I use similar tactics of subtlety. Having educated a victim on the realities of abuse and ascertained the root cause of a client’s challenges, like Socrates, I ask questions that help clients come to their own conclusions in their own time. This allows for the exercising of independent thinking and self-discovery as well as personally charged conclusions that are more transformative. I will freely admit, however, that from time to time after my subtle approach is unsuccessful, a good old-fashioned dump of the truth in the middle of the room can also be quite effective. I fondly refer to it as an intentional quickening of sorts for those who are having difficulty reading cues.
The Deep Meaning Behind the Word
Subtlety requires a talent for observation, insight and persuasion ― a power that can be easily misused. By the very fact that it is subtle denotes its inherent potential to insidiously manipulate and hurt perpetrated by those with malignant intentions. Take, for instance, passive aggressive sarcasm, underhandedness and whispering gossip ― all subtle, yet with an objective to humiliate, undermine, divide and injure. As I observe the current state of affairs, I am keenly aware of what I learned in Sociology 101 as a result of some infamously unethical experiments ― that human nature is scientifically predictable given a specific circumstance and number of people involved. Does the subtlety lie in the machinations of those who create the opportunity for violence and civil unrest and then sit back watch it play out to their advantage? Asking for a friend.
In these times of next-day shipping and quick fixes, I find it challenging to be subtle. My desire for instant gratification sometimes supersedes the wisdom of patience and the art of allowing life to gently unfold before me, waiting for the perfect opportunity to take action or state my case. In the act of positive subtlety ― there is no ego; it is a declaration of character. In discussing my intention to write an article on subtlety, it was pointed out to me that the “b” in subtle is also subtle ― how very appropriate.
