When I was 14, I went to a gathering at a friend’s house and one of them offered me a cigarette. Wanting to be cool around the older kids, I took it. A few puffs in, a cop patrolling the neighborhood spotted my accomplices and I. The officer called me over and promptly asked my age. “Fifteen,” I lied, thinking that would somehow make things better. He told me that if he ever caught me smoking again, he would force me to call my parents and tell them what I’d done. After he left, I looked over to my friends and asked “Can you guys give me another one?”
If it shocks you to hear that moments after getting caught red handed with my first cigarette that I’d actually ask for another one, welcome to the draw of the nicotine. It’s highly addictive. Some may feel it later, but I felt it right away. It felt good. Like a rush. I felt older and cooler because cigarettes were a way for me to have control. I was able to put the smoke into my body even though all the adults around me told me no.
I was dumb—as kids often are—and rebellious. Starting smoking is something I had come to regret. I could go on about how it had impacted my life in its many negative consequences, but I prefer to tell you that quitting is possible. However, its allure is something that you never really “overcome.”
I stopped for good when I became pregnant. Despite it being two-and-half years since then my last cigarette, I still think about going to the store and picking up a box. When I’m stressed out or tired, I remember how pleasant it was to go outside puff my cares away. The funny thing is, former smokers I know tell me they still fight off the cravings 10 years later.
I believe what makes me—or anyone who has quit—successful in fighting the temptations is remembering how far I’ve come. It’s definitely too far to go back now. I also have a child whose life I want to enjoy. Anchoring my victory over this habit to a purpose outside of myself has made a big difference.
For a while I was ashamed of my nasty addiction and I tried to hide all evidence of it. Now that I have quit, I no longer feel that shame and embarrassment. I’m happy to have stronger lungs now and frankly, less phlegm. If you are trying to snap a smoking addiction, find someone who you can call when you feel tempted , like I did. Talking helps you stay strong when you feel weak.
Write down all the reasons you want to quit or have continued to not smoke so you always remember why you’re doing this. And try to be patient with yourself because it’s a process- one day at a time.
