Confession. I began this article with the title, “How to Make Your Past Self Jealous.” The idea came from a Dove chocolate tin foil wrapper quote — you know, acts like a fortune cookie fortune but comes from Deborah in Ohio. However, I quickly realized that if I have advanced an iota since I was my past self, that my past self would look at me now and be proud of the work I had done. If my past self would be jealous, it would essentially negate that very work and pull me right back to where I started — all very chicken and egg, I know.
So, here I am. Contemplating what I would be proud of should I have known then what I know now — perhaps a more spiritual adultier adult version of myself — in spite of myself. Many times, I have looked over my right shoulder and asked if there was a more adultier adult around. You know, someone to do the work and make all the tough decisions who would then allow me to reap the benefits without all the responsibility or accountability. I tend to believe that I’m not the only one who would like a break sometimes.
However, this work I’m doing is an intentional devotion to being the best version of myself that I can be. It’s a day in, day out decision to do what I can with the knowledge that how I am being in the world (the things I can control) will have a positive effect on those around me. However, just in case you were wondering — this doesn’t mean that I don’t make mistakes. Maya Angelou once said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” Holding myself accountable for an inevitability of mistakes just means that next time, I’ll do better. I am guessing that at the end of each day, that’s all we can ever ask of ourselves. So, I invite you to stay and sit with me for a moment as we talk about some things (not in any particular order) in this space we’ve created together.
Authenticity
To be honest in all doings and to speak from a place of intentionality, integrity and conviction. To respectfully speak my truth.
Listen First, Then Speak
Pay attention to what the person or the circumstance is saying. Not just the words but take into account body language and look at all evidence objectively. Also, trust your instincts.
Choose Kindness
Kindness doesn’t mean compliance. It means responding in a respectful and loving way. This oftentimes means setting healthy boundaries which is sometimes the kindest thing one can do.
Morning Routine
Be intentional in how you start your day — what you think about, prepare for and focus on to set yourself up for success. Meditation helps to calm and reset your mind for the day ahead.
Exercise & Movement
Get outside! Go on a hike, ride your bike, run, sit in the sunshine. Make stretching and deep breathing a part of your morning routine.
Forgiveness
Let it go! It doesn’t do anyone any good — least of all yourself and it tethers you in a negative way to the person who hurt you. Forgive the person, not the behavior.
Follow-through on Promises
Your word is your bond. Practice accountability and finish what you started — unless the agreement has changed (the very reason why I am making Cornish pasties today for a neighbor…I had promised).
Create & Work a Budget
We are responsible for caring for ourselves and our needs. Full stop. Make a budget. Plan for the future but live in the now.
Live in Faith
You get what you give. Live in the knowledge that “this too shall pass.” All good (and *bad) things come to an end but understanding the ebb and flow of life and having faith in the ultimate outcome will lessen your fear.
Practice Gratitude
There is always something to be thankful for and a *lesson behind every experience, should we choose to see it (note asterisk in #9).
So, as I contemplate my list, I realize that instead of feeling like adulting is a monotonous drag, I’ve found it actually quite exciting. Turns out, the sense of accomplishment I have for being accountable is quite the aphrodisiac — especially when I am experiencing the collateral beauty that comes from it. And the more I work at it, the more I possess an internal sense of who I am which isn’t swayed so easily by the tides, a pandemic or who’s in office. I also know what you may be thinking — because I might have also:
Easy for her to say and do. I mean, look at everything she’s done.”
All I will say is seriously, did you even read my last article? I struggle … sometimes more than others and sometimes to the brink of giving up — but I don’t give up — it’s not an option. When I look back at my life — I’ve accomplished a hell of a lot but only I know the sacrifices, the pain and suffering I’ve endured; the courage mustered, the trudging through in spite of my fear. So, yeah, I feel good about it all. I earned every last bit — and you can too.
