Like your favorite song on the radio that ends too quickly, suddenly 18 years have gone by and your child is leaving home. As they depart on their adventure with excitement, you are left with a quiet house and a mixture of emotions. Simultaneously, you may be feeling proud, excited, nervous, sad, protective and worried. You might also wonder what to do with your time now that it no longer revolves around children’s needs and you are facing an empty nest.
Becoming the Parent of an Adult Child
Just as you gradually stepped back when your child learned to walk and mastered driving, the shift to parenting an adult child is the next phase of letting go. Be prepared for your relationship to change a little bit each time you are together. Your child is becoming accustomed to making all the decisions about their life and they will bristle at your suggestions. Marvel at the ways your child has matured, but also edit your advice-giving and old parenting ways. If your child is in college, they may still be home on a regular basis. In fact, you may have finally adjusted to their absence when they return home again. Establish ground rules regarding curfews and household and monetary responsibilities to reduce conflict. Encourage their independence — let them make a perfect latte for you, share their expertise about microbrews or explain what they learned about existentialism.
Look for the Positives of an Empty Nest
Congratulate yourself on doing a great job preparing and launching your child. They are exactly where they are supposed to be, an independent young adult pursuing their future. Your household load has been lightened. Tripping over grass-stained piles of odiferous laundry will no longer be the norm. When you enter the kitchen to make your morning coffee, you won’t be greeted by an overflowing sink filled with evidence of late-night snacking. Parenting is hard work and stressful, so use this opportunity an empty nest has presented to shift some of that energy to you.
Take Care of Your Health
You may not realize it, but if you are feeling exhausted for no reason, it is likely that you are processing feelings of loss and grief. Sadness can be physically draining. Just as you would nurture your child if they were feeling sad, go easy on yourself. Taking care of your health will help you cope with your empty nest. Start with getting enough sleep. Feeling rested will give you the energy to keep moving forward through the days and weeks ahead. Take a nap on the weekends to double up on your rest. Introduce exercising to your routine by taking a walk every day, or if you’re ambitious, join a gym. Take time on the weekends to plan out your meals and stop buying snacks that are “for the kids.” Give yourself a weekend with no plans and just do whatever you feel like doing. Introducing better self-care can only have a positive impact on your quality of life.
Explore New Interests
Now is the chance to organize your home, learn a new skill or volunteer. Maybe you want to entertain more, hang out with friends or focus on your work goals. Fill the empty-nest void with something that enriches you and makes you want to get out of bed every morning. Doing new things will also make you interesting to your kids and ease their minds knowing that you are thriving without them.
Make Time for Romance
This is the perfect time to work on your romantic relationship. If you have a partner, establish a regular date night, plan an empty nesters getaway and take the time to remember why you chose each other. If you are single, consider dating again. It will be easier, now that you don’t have to coordinate with your child’s schedule. If you aren’t ready to date, invite friends to a weekly game night, potluck or Sunday hike.
Expand Your Current Roles
Parenting is one of the most meaningful roles in our lives. The connection and love you have with your child is irreplaceable. While you may be excited to learn to salsa dance, it may not fill the void of their absence. But nurturing connections with other people in your life whom you enjoy might go a long way towards helping you deal with your lonely evenings. Maybe you want to be an aunt who is around more, a neighbor who tends the community garden or the co-worker who organizes fun events at the office.
Get Used to a New Normal
It will be sad to not have your children at home and it’s okay to acknowledge this. Start early, if possible, to create a plan to take care of yourself during this difficult, but inevitable, life change. Seek out friends who understand what you are going through and who will validate and support you. Go easy on yourself during this empty nest transition and when you are ready, get out there and embrace your new life. It’s time for you to fly, too.
22 Life Skills Every Kid Should Know Before Leaving Home
As a parent, you can’t do it all for your children forever. Just as you once taught them how to tie their shoes and drive a car, here are some basic how-to skills your adult child should know before they head to college or move out on their own.
- Open a checking account
- Write a check
- Use a credit card and debit card
- Calculate tip
- Pump gas
- Do laundry
- Sew on a button
- Iron clothes
- Plunge a toilet
- Make a doctor’s appointment
- Set an alarm
- Basic cooking — boil an egg, cook pasta, etc.
- Basic first aid and medical care (how to treat a headache)
- Jump-start a car
- Change a tire (or know how to call roadside assistance)
- Write a professional email
- Shake hands
- Write a thank-you note
- Memorize their Social Security number
- Take public transportation
- Do the Heimlich Maneuver
- Use an ATM
