Remember the old adage, “Charge it to my head and not to my heart”? Well, women in the perinatal period may be able to use this saying as an explanation for the forgetfulness and lack of concentration that seems to magically appear during and after pregnancy. This phenomenon is characterized as “Mommy Brain.”
Courtney Michels, LPC, CSAC, a licensed counselor with Tidewater Physicians for Women, uses this term often in her practice. “Women will describe struggling to remember simple words or entering a room forgetting what they intended to do. The image of a woman searching for her cell phone while speaking on it resonates with many women in the perinatal period,” Michels says. Phrases such as “Your brain cells leave with the placenta” are common, and women seem to have no problem accepting it as an excuse for those ‘duh’ moments. Like many other women, Robin Kantor, a Hampton Roads mother of two young boys, likes to believe that there is an actual change in the brain causing memory lapses. It would be a good excuse to use when she’s trying to remember simple things such as people’s names.
Is this so-called decline in cognitive functioning something that really stems from physiological changes in the brain, or is it a result of the behavioral changes that exist with being a new mom? Dr. Christine Truman, a board certified psychiatrist with Finney Zimmerman Psychiatric Associates and board member for Postpartum Support VA, says multitasking is a behavior that goes along with caring for a newborn. “It is easier to tend to things that have more emotional significance. They have more precedence over other things like [the placement of] keys, or remembering to get an oil change,” Truman says. The chores that were once easy to complete have become unpleasant and harder to sustain.
It has become a task for Kantor to keep track of things at work and at home. “My mind is always spinning trying to keep things in order. I’m sure I’m not alone in that,” Kantor says. She certainly is not. In Michels’ perinatal counseling experience, she believes that one of the biggest challenges for women is dealing with the shame and frustration that they feel with “Mommy Brain.”
“Women who are normally very organized and articulate find themselves struggling to verbally express themselves and carry out simple tasks. Many women feel as if they need to fit this image of doing it all flawlessly,” says Michels. The reality is that there are many who are not honest about their experiences with motherhood.
Let’s face it: there is no perfect pregnancy or postpartum period. Every mother does what works for her at the time.
Kantor shares that it is important not to compare yourself to other people’s standards. “Set your own routine and [don’t] feel bad about it.” Both experts advised that women set realistic expectations for themselves and practice good self-care. “Take time off from the caretaking role, focus on yourself or something unrelated [to being a mom] to avoid burnout,” says Truman. Finding support from family members or from organizations such as Postpartum Support VA can help through the awkward moments like leaving the house, only to realize that you are not wearing any shoes. Michels finds that attending to the present can help to eliminate distractions and can be beneficial to those struggling with “Mommy Brain.”