Photo by Megan Boyles Photography ©
According to Laurelin Evanhoe, director of Birth Matters Williamsburg, “Knowing what to do for a pregnant woman in the workplace can be confusing for coworkers because every woman, and every pregnancy, is different. Some pregnancies are easy; some pregnancies are difficult. Some women wish to be treated no differently during pregnancy, and others wish for—or absolutely require, if complications arise—more accommodation.”
Many people do not share their pregnancy until after the ultrasound at the beginning of the second trimester, due to the high rate of miscarriage in the first trimester (up to 25 percent of pregnancies according to the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists). Experts recommend that you wait for a woman to announce her pregnancy, even if you think she might have morning sickness or other pregnancy related “clues.” And once she does announce it, congratulate her. But after that, take your cues from her on how much she’d like to share.
Amber Callahan, a marketing manager for the city of Hampton and new mom, says that it’s important to acknowledge pregnancy as a life event before asking how it will impact the workplace. “Take an interest in her pregnancy by asking the standard questions like ‘When are you due?’ and ‘How are you feeling?’ before asking work-related questions like ‘Are you coming back to work?’, ‘How much time are you taking?’ and ‘Who will cover your work?’ It shows you value her as a person and not just an employee,” she says.
The first person who should be notified about a pregnancy is the supervisor. Then the employee can stream out the information, either at a team meeting or by telling a few people in the office. Supervisors should know and follow the laws regarding a pregnant woman’s rights to equal treatment, disability leave when applicable, and family leave. Human resources departments are trained to guide pregnant employees through the process.
Peggy Caister, a doula who practices on the Peninsula, recommends being sensitive to what the newly pregnant woman might be sensitive to, like overpowering smells from the break room or lifting heavy items. While it’s important to be understanding about some limitations of pregnancy, be careful not to turn into the advice dispenser. “We appreciate all the advice, but try to keep it to a minimum. If we really want it, we will ask,” Callahan says.
As the office becomes used to the idea of a pregnancy in their midst, it’s helpful to be aware of comments that might be unhelpful. Seeing a pregnant woman reminds many people of their own experiences and they may want to be helpful and share their “stories from the trenches.” Evanhoe says, “Refrain from telling an expectant mother traumatic birth stories. Share positive birth stories if the woman indicates she’d like to hear them.”
Pregnancy also can reveal cultural or generational differences, which should be handled with minimal judgment. Everyone has the right to their own personal decisions, including whether or not to reveal the gender of the baby, what names they are considering, decorating the nursery or where they are planning to deliver.
Depending on office culture, and the wishes of the expectant mom, coworkers may want to throw a baby shower. Many expectant parents have baby registries, and unless you know the family well, it’s safer to stick to the registry or get a gift card. But not everyone wants a work baby shower. For example, Callahan declined to have one at her work because she didn’t want to be the center of attention.
With communication and sensitivity, the employee can feel supported, the coworkers can share in the joy of a growing family in their midst and the company can retain a valuable employee.
As time goes on, pregnant women are visibly showing, and towards the end of the third trimester, preparing for the birth of their baby. How can coworkers support a woman late in pregnancy?
“The only thing to say about a pregnant woman’s belly is: ‘You look so beautiful.’ Nothing else needs to be said. Not, ‘You’re huge!’ or even ‘You’re so small,’ or ‘Are you having twins?’,” Caister says. Also, many pregnant women are surprised by other people’s desire to touch their stomach. Evanhoe recommends that you touch a pregnant belly only if invited.
As the pregnant coworker nears her due date, the number of appointments increase, sometimes to once or twice a week. Callahan recommends being understanding of all the extra doctor appointments and start offering to take over projects that you’ll be covering for her during her maternity leave. “This will give you both some crossover time and take some stress off of her. I was lucky to have this happen and it was a huge help in the end. I felt much better about going out knowing everything was covered,” she says.
One of the hardest times of pregnancy is the waiting near the end. It’s not helpful to add to the pressure; instead, offer empathy and be encouraging, kind and supportive. Do not ask, “Are you STILL here?” or “When is that baby coming?” A positive attitude can go a long way, so encourage frequent breaks, offer to take a walk with her or just make her laugh.
Then, there’s the big day. The new parents will likely contact the office to share the news, but coworkers should not expect to be invited to the hospital to see the baby. Depending on the situation, the employee may or may not come to the office with the baby.
One helpful thing for coworkers to do after a baby arrives is to organize a “food train” of prepared meals. Evanhoe suggests TakeThemAMeal.com to organize the drop-off of home-cooked meals for the family. “Such websites allow coworkers to easily coordinate meal drop-off and to specify information about the family’s food allergies and preferences. Coworkers should respect the family’s privacy during that babymoon time, however, truly just dropping off meals and not inviting themselves inside for visits,” she says.
The first three months after the baby is born are also known as “the Fourth Trimester.” A lot of changes have happened since you last saw your coworker. She’s added a new family member and faced the learning curve that comes with a new baby. What’s the best way to welcome back a woman from maternity leave, as a coworker or manager?
Expect transition time, and if possible, give her a chance to work her way back up to full force. “Give her some time to get back into the swing of things and transfer back projects and responsibilities over a few weeks rather than dumping it all in her when she gets back,” Callahan says.
Supporting breastfeeding moms is another important step that workplaces can take, Caister says, “Breastfeeding is a goal for many American women that is often sabotaged by a return to work. If she plans to continue breastfeeding, help her to find a quiet place to pump, with an outlet and a comfy chair where she won’t be interrupted, and where she can go every three hours.” Or, alternatively Caister suggests, “Encourage her to take a longer lunch break to go nurse her baby.”
The amount of leave time offered by each company is different, and the Federal Medical Leave Act does not cover certain employees or some small companies. Depending on the amount of leave time available or desired by the employee, the transition back to work will need a plan and communication. Travelling during the first three months after a baby is born is challenging, and any work-related travel plans require the same open communication and empathy as during pregnancy, with as much notice as possible.
With communication and sensitivity, the employee can feel supported, the coworkers can share in the joy of a growing family in their midst and the company can retain a valuable employee.